Portland, OR – Low-income Oregon residents were supposed to be big winners after the state expanded Medicaid under the federal health care overhaul and created a new system to improve the care they received, but the AP reports differently.
“Yeah, yeah,” said a top AP editor. “I know what you’re going to say, but look, we’re not biased. See? We’re reporting the truth! We report some conservative stuff as well as liberal stuff. What? No, it’s either or. No, it can’t just be the ‘truth,’ that makes no sense.”
“Oh man, we messed up,” said a Congressman. “We should have made the law more expansive, to insulate ourselves from these types of things.” When pressed as to what that meant, he added, “I don’t have to talk to you plebs! Guards! Shoot these interlopers!”
The AP also reported “the IRS might be targeting political groups”, “the Secretary of State might have messed up in Benghazi” and “woah, there are three more pages of stories from the past six years? How did we miss this?”
“So we don’t win,” said a low-income resident. “And the middle class doesn’t win. Does the upper class win? I feel like they would. No?” After some thought he added, “if no one wins, then what’s the point? I can’t believe that the government would just pass a law that is total crap. I just can’t.”