London, UK – India is the last country with regular telegraph service. And the final message will be sent next month.
“We regret to inform you that Aunt Martha has died,” read nephew Andrew [Pinfield]. “Oh my God, that’s horrible. I didn’t even know she- wait, is there someone behind that desk? Hello? Who’s hiding behind- oh, wow, that’s a lot of people. Why are you wearing hats and holding balloons? The last telegraph? Yeah, I guess we can still celebrate. That’s whata Aunt Martha would have wanted.”
“It’s no wonder why no one uses telegraphs anymore,” bemoaned telegraph operator Chuck Bertowitz. “They were all boring. Send money here, let’s meet here, what about so-in-so? We’ve all evolved past these pointless and short conversations.” After a sigh he added, “I’m being sarcastic. Duh. Follow my Tumblr.”
The US Telegraph Center called the shutdown “a tragic loss”, “we’ll still be open, that is, until our last three hundred union workers retire” and “oh, don’t act so shocked, every industry is getting screwed by these unions. We miss the days when we could retire our workers into the boiler. Good times. Sorry, we got off topic. Do you want to send a telegram? Damn.”
“Wow, really makes you think,” said a college student. After a laugh she added, “I guess it doesn’t. Please leave me alone or I’ll call campus security. Okay, have it your way. Security! Can someone call- yes, this guy. Get him!”