Washington DC – Top US and British counterterrorism officials said that the growing number and variety of foreign fighters streaming into Syria is unprecedented in recent history.
“It’s almost like it’s a totally lawless area where anyone can wander in and start killing,” said a UN official. “But the Assad folks told us they’re in control. Why would they lie? Everyone respects the UN and our complete authority over world events. Wait, why is everyone covering their mouths? Are you giggling?”
“I don’t know why, we won,” said a White House official. “And now we’re leaving, right on schedule.” Over the boos from the press corp he shouted, “you people used to worship us! What changed your minds? Really? Too far? But we’re the Administration! We can do no wrong! How is that going too far?”
The US Federation of Over Emotional Peoples called the move “crazy”, “yo, we might be on the cusp of a nervous breakdown, but that [expletive deleted] is a [expletive deleted]ing crazy move right there” and “what? You judging us? Oh, now we gonna lose our [expletive deleted]! Of course we’re real! We’re [expletive deleted]ing here, aren’t we?”
“It seems like this has been going on for a long time,” said a casual observer. “Why are they just addressing it now? Yeah, I guess it’s better than waiting a few months and then address it. Still…”