Space – The Rosetta comet orbiter has spent the last couple months sniffing the scent of the Churyumov-Gerasimenko comet, and has just reported the results: it stinks.
“Don’t worry, the smell will fall harmlessly to Earth and burn up in our atmosphere,” said a NASA engineer. “If you smell rotten eggs its because you’re having a stroke from the billions of tons of toxic chemicals we burned during the shuttle program and not because of the deadly comet. What? What did I say? Oh. Sorry, nothing to worry about.”
“We just released a new fragrance called Churyumov–Gerasimenko,” said fragrance designer and free spirit R. Sabrina Coles-Martin. “It’s just like being on a comet!” After a long coughing fit she wiped the blood from her eyes, adding, “excuse me, I have to greet more guests before I lose another pint of blood.”
NASA also noted “the moon smells like blue cheese”, “the sun smells like burning flesh” and “NASA headquarters smells like regret and failure. Please! Please give us more money to do stuff. We promise we won’t build a space base and then leave it! We’ll play with our toys, you’ll see! Please!”
“Why do we have to know this?” asked a child. “Sure, science is full of oddities, but is it essential to furthering our understanding of how the universe works? Yes, I want more information on reading from the lander. Now that’s interesting stuff. Also, I’m an adult, I just like to wear hats. That doesn’t make me a child. No, I don’t want a lolly- well, okay, that’ll be nice. Thanks, buddy.”