London, UK – According to teachers, rising numbers of infants lack the motor skills needed to play with building blocks because of an “addiction” to tablet computers and smartphones.
“Hey, we warned you,” said a smart phone manufacturer. “In the fine print we told you not to let anyone under eighteen use our product as it is highly addictive and to seek help immediately if you should any signs of addiction.” He shook his head, adding, “it’s your responsibility to read the Terms of Service.”
“No, there wasn’t a study, per se,” said a teacher. “But we have very strong feelings about technology. If the school is buying us tech, then we’re pro. If kids are using it on their own, then we’re con.” She took a long sip from her coffee, adding, “that’s some good gin.”
The PTA called the warning “outrageous”, “only we can make those sorts of decrees!” and “a gold coin for anyone who can bring us those teacher’s heads! Go! Find them! Hunt them! The PTA shall never be usurped! All hail the PTA!”
“So any device could be harmful?” asked a parent. “Then how come they allow us to use it?” As we began to give our answer, he pulled out his iPhone and began looking through Facebook, ignoring our response. We’re not even sure he knew we left.