Albany, NY – New York’s Common Core-related tests are allegedly full of corporate brand names and slogans.
“I think the Core tests are refreshing to the max!” exclaimed a New York State Regent. “In fact, they’re full of bounce! Refi your worries away!” After a long pause he added, “none of you drink Sunpunch, use Colman’s sneakers, or refinance with Schenectady’s number three home loan refinancer Schmidt & Associates? Well, your kids will!”
“Once again, this proves the common core doesn’t work,” said mother and pro tem home-school teacher Heather Von Gulerth. “The only way to educate our children is to do it ourselves.” She held up the Bible, adding, “and this is the only text book we need. Come on, kids, let’s learn more about… I donno, whatever’s in here.”
The National Advertising Collation called the test’s branding “our dream”, “we did work in a major cigarette brand into the SATs in 1951. At least we got a half-century out of that investment” and “we’re still trying to get Congress to open with the Cool Aid man bursting into the chamber. It’s a work in progress.”
“We all know ads don’t work,” said a twenty-something. “Except if they’re viral, like a video or a simple graphic poster placed around town. Then I’ll buy it.” He rocked back and forth a few times, adding, “then I’ll totally buy it. Gotta be the first. Buy it.”