New York, NY – A new report shows there’s a lot less smoking in the movies these days.
“Now kids will never smoke!” said a member of a popular anti-smoking group. “Yep, that’s all it took, removing smoking from one very specific form of American entertainment. No need to thank me, the look on your face is payment enough. Your welcome.”
“So now just anyone can be cool?” asked a movie producer. “Why don’t we cut sex scenes as well? And we could take out all the violence and drug use and just show films about a guy working in a cubicle. That’ll be fun.” After swiping the knickknacks off of his desk he shouted, “smoking and drinking and sex and drug use are the only way to tell the cool kids from the not cool kids. Don’t [expletive deleted]ing take that away from us!”
A spokesman for Big Tobacco called the report “shameful”, “think of all the cigarette, cigar and cigaretto workers that are out of jobs because of a few crybabies” and “no wonder why the male birthrate is down. Oh, you didn’t read that study? Were you too busy [long string of expletives and childish references to self gratification]?”
“Yeah, I didn’t notice,” said a teen. “I really don’t watch movies that much.” As he went back to playing Red Dead Redemption he added, “hey, these guys smoke. Cool.”
