Amsterdam, The Netherlands – A well-known Australian Muslim cleric has called for the beheading of Dutch anti-Islamic politician Geert Wilders.
“You know what will really spread the message of love? A beheading,” said an imam. “We could show the world that our lives aren’t governed by a strict and brutal interpretation of the Koran, or, we could cut this dude’s head off. Okay, I’ll compromise. This will be the last beheading, unless someone else speaks ill of us.
“So they call for beheadings and no one freaks out?” said local priest Fr. Donald [last name withheld]. “And a few of our guys hang out with boys and everyone’s in a tizzy. No, I’m not admitting anything. Yes, it might have happened but… wait, not that, just… ugh, why did I ask for an interview?”
The head of the National Beheading Center of Amsterdam called the announcement “startling”, “we haven’t been active in decades! To be perfectly honest, this job is simply a political sop to keep me quiet” and “I knew I should have request to be head of the National Nap-time Rotunda.”
“Can the Australian authorities do something?” asked a Dutchman. “Can the Muslim world step up and condemn the remarks? Can someone do something that will convince me I’m not living in the fifteenth century? No? Fair enough. I’m off to stab some whores.” As police flooded the room he added, “come on, really?”
