Media Turns On Its Own, Eats Its Dead

Washington DC – Time magazine reports a shift in Presidential perception, from Obama as political savior to Obama as creature of Washington, which can be seen as his poll ratings fell almost thirty percent in eighteen months.

“It’s not that the people are sick of the President,” said a White House spokesman. “They’re just tying of the constant spin, the manipulation and the lack of work. Who knew people would want a guy who did something rather than a guy who constantly campaigned? I guess the political climate is changing for the worse.”

“We can’t support him forever,” said a new reporter. “After all, if we always agree with a guy, there is no story, no angle. And we need to have some sort of angle in a story, or it’s just a bunch of facts on a page. No one wants that. No one.”

The Presidential Museum Curators Club called the decline in popularity “no biggie”, “do what you’d like, you’ll have plenty of time to re-write history” and “unless you’re Nixon. That’s right [Nixon Presidential Museum Curator] Charles [Winston], you just got faced!”

“Wait, it’s okay to judge a President on his actions and not how my neighbor or a Facebook friend perceives him?” asked a Republican. “Then I hate this guy and the last guy. The last one was a total wildcard and this one is all over the place doing a whole lotta nothin’. In fact, I hated most of em.” After sitting back down he added, “we’re screwed, aren’t we?”

The President Is A Muslim!

Washington DC – According to a new poll, nearly one in five people said they think President Obama is Muslim. “Of course he’s hiding his religion, he’s Muslim,” said a good Christian woman. “We knew where the other guy stands, he would be waving at us from the church pew. Everything he did was for God or the Riz, but not this guy. No, he’s ...

Don’t Argue, Mention Or Secretly Think About Hot Button Issue

Sacramento, CA – House Speaker Nancy Pelosi called for an investigation of those who are protesting the building of the Ground Zero Mosque. “The only way we’re going to settle this debate is to round up all of those with an opposing view and jail them,” said the Speakers aide. “If we have to round up all of those who protest that action, we will ...

Congress Violates Ethics, You

Washington DC – The number of ethics cases launched in Congress has jumped dramatically in the past year, putting a focus on allegations of misconduct by lawmakers heading into November’s elections. “Notice how they’re targeting black politicians,” said a liberal woman. “Harry Reid’s investigation? I thought it ended today with no charges. See? Racists!” When ...

Reports Reveal Churchill Was Even More Of A Jerk Than Previously Thought

London, UK – New reports reveal the former UK Prime Minister Winston Churchill allegedly banned reports of a WWII encounter between a UFO and a RAF bomber because he feared public “panic” and loss of faith in religion. “There is no such thing as aliens,” said a top White House official. “And even if there ...

Victory Accomplished!

Atlanta, GA – Nearing a milestone in the long and divisive Iraq war, President Barack Obama hailed this month’s planned withdrawal of all US combat troops “as promised and on schedule” as a major success despite deep doubts about the Iraqis’ ability to police and govern their country. “We campaigned on withdrawing all troops from ...

Blame Is A Dish Best Served Early In The Campaign Cycle

Washington DC – President Obama’s message for the fall elections, which are looking ominous for his Democrats, is that Republicans caused the nation’s economic troubles, but he and the Democrats are starting to fix them. “Look, we all know who’s to blame: the Republicans,” said a top Presidential aide. “They caused the oil spill, they ...

Congress Spends Like Tourist In Greece, Idiot In Japan, Analogy In Comparisonville

Washington DC – A nonpartisan government watchdog group found Congress spent seven and a half million dollars on office supplies and almost three million for food and beverages in the last nine months. “Come on, if we don’t spend the money, it goes back into the general fund,” said a Senator at an impromptu lunch ...