Beijing, China – For days, Chinese and foreign media have issued reports explaining how thousands of vehicles were trapped in an epic traffic jam stretching for more than 60 miles on a highway leading to China’s capital Beijing, but when the AP rolled out to view the jam, it was gone.
“Where the hell are the people? The cars?” asked a reporter. “Why is the land all charred and it smell like someone had a barbecue with chicken and plastic? And what’s with all the weeping wives at crying children? Why does everyone shy away from foreign media as if they fear for their lives? I don’t get it.”
“What traffic jam?” asked a Chinese official. “I’m sorry, but I don’t know what you’re talking about. We’ve never had a hundred kilometer traffic jam and we never will. The People’s Republic has no problems and will have no problems. Now please leave.” He then held up a crude sign written in English that read ‘save mÉ™.’
The AAA called the jam “something that would never happen in America”, “except if it’s foggy, or icy, or raining, or if someone was talking on their cell and caused an accident on the 40 that lasted a few days” and “we’ve said too much.”
“Was there even a traffic jam?” asked a reader. “I wasn’t there, I didn’t see it. So how could it really just disappear, unless it never really existed. Oh, you don’t think reporters make up news? Remember that NY Times guy a few years back? No? Then you’re an ass.”
