Vienna, Austria – Diplomats report Russia and China scuttled a Western attempt to introduce a resolution on Iran’s nuclear defiance at a meeting of the International Atomic Energy Agency.

“Who told you that?” asked an infuriated Russian official. “Was it Canada? Haiti? I’m sick of those guys sitting in the back of the UN passing notes and making fart noises every-time we sit down. I’d tell the Secretary General again but he said if I told we wouldn’t have recess.”

“Well, we all know this is all a big joke,” said the US Envoy to the UN. “I mean, who takes this kinda thing seriously? It’s just one nation posturing for a reduction in tariffs or-” After frantic whispers with an aide he added, “I just want you all to know that we take this thing very seriously and strongly urge all parties to come to an agreement.”

Russia and China also vetoed other proposals including “worldwide peaceful co-existence”, “an early release of the new UN Diplomat board game” and “anything the US proposes. Yes, even if it’s ‘give Russia and China a billion dollars,’ we’d veto it.”

“If those two keep teaming up, we’re dead meat,” said a White House spokesman. “There’s no way we can fight both of them, and believe me, we’ve pissed them off royally the past fifty years. We’re not supposed to let this out, but between you and me, it’s like waiting for the other nuclear holocaust shoe to drop. Most days we just stay in the bunker and cry. Next question?”