Nairobi, Kenya – Danish military forces disrupted the takeover by pirates of a cargo ship in the Gulf of Aden, marking the first time this has happened since a multinational armada deployed a year ago.

“Yes!” shouted a Danish soldier. “We finally repelled an attack. Okay, let’s check the big board… After one year there have been three hundred seventy nine hijackings and now one repelled attack. Success!”

“Arrrrg,” noted one pirate. “There’s no fun in pirating if they fight back! I’m going back to grad school and finishing my new media degree. That’s the whole reason I got into pirating in the first place. Well, that and I was looking to improve my self-esteem. Look at my open shirt and tell me it didn’t work! Arrrrrrg!”

Shipping companies called the counter-attack “a dumb move”, “now they’re going to bring more men and guns to the next attack” and “guys, stop antagonizing the pirates. It’s not about paying the ransom costs. We just pass the price to the consumer. Why do you think the price of plastic dreidels has spiked in the past three years?”

“As long as these pirates continue to operate in the Gulf of Aden, we have a chance in stopping them,” said a US Naval officer. “We are fairly sure they won’t move their operation a few miles off the coast ensuring complete success. That is, as long as no one prints what I’m saying. Okay, that’s my official statement: press conference over.”