London, UK – An international team of researchers found one in five people can train all they want but, because of their genetic makeup, are not likely to see much improvement in their endurance levels.

“In conclusion, some people are better than others, next slide,” said a scientist on the exercise panel. “As you can see, this tree chart shows the hierarchy of who is better than whom, next slide. And here is a numeric representation based on our test results that span several ranges: genetic misfits to genetic dullards, next slide. Genetic- next side! Damn it, Kyle, next slide!”

“So that’s why!” mumbled a guy in sweatpants as he ate a very large egg omelet. “I just walked from my car to the restaurant and- wait a minute. I’m the ‘before’ guy in this scenario, aren’t I? Well, I’m not going to sit here and take your abuse!” After struggling to get out of the booth he panted, “hold on, I gotta sit down. Just… hold on.”

A spokesman for the National Physical Fitness Center announced “and, as of this morning, we are officially shutting down”, “it’s not your fault your fat, it’s because you have weak genes. So why bust our balls trying to motivate what appears to be a bodily malfunction?” and “so much time wasted. So much time.”

“So I don’t have to try anymore?” asked a relatively healthy guy. “Great? I’m gonna sleep in and then have a butter sandwich with extra bacon for breakfast. Maybe a nice dark beer to wash it down. Man, 2010 is turing out to be great!”