Tehran, Iran – Supreme leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei said that Iran is set to deliver a “punch” that will stun world powers during this week’s 31st anniversary of the Islamic revolution.

“Much the same way the world was punched when Michael Jackson died,” said a top Iranian official. “You know, the global outpouring of emotion, the gnashing of teeth, the many video montages of his work. Kinda like that, except with nuclear warheads.”

“We are ready to take any punch the East is willing to give us,” said a State Department official. “Well, not the East, but the guys in the east. I don’t know what to call em, those guys, in the east. Well, they call us the West so they should be the East. It makes sense, doesn’t it?”

The International House of Braggarts called the announcement “textbook”, “we see a lot of bragging around here. You might say we’re the only place on Earth where people come to brag. We’re kinda a big deal in the bragging world” and “that’s your car? Really? Just so you know, my car is almost three times faster than you car. Oh, that doesn’t impress you? Well, I’ve met millions of people who are more impressed with me than you.”

“They know that they can’t punch the West,” said a White House official. “I mean, we’re kinda running the world right now and-oh my God! No! The price of oil just went up seven dollars! How could… I see.” After composing himself he added, “I apologize.”