Paris, France – Mideast rivals Israel and Syria each announced ambitions to develop nuclear energy, with Israel facing the prospect that its plan could bring new international attention to its secretive nuclear activities.

“What better way to up our rivalry than with nuclear weapons?” asked a high-ranking Syrian official. “Sure, we could keep trading against each other, or threatening to use biological weapons, but why not go for the gold? Winner takes all! Oh, this is so exciting!”

“Umm, we’re totally on top of the situation,” said a White House official as he frantically flipped through a folder. “Contrary to my non-verbal communication, we know exactly what’s going on and already have a plan to diffuse the situation.” As he dropped the folder, dabbed his sweating forehead with his sleeve as he breathed into a paper bag he mumbled, “as you can see, it’s all under control.”

The Nuclear Regulatory Committee called the announcements “really scary”, “we can barely control the beast, and that’s our primary function” and “it’s almost as if nuclear energy has a mind of it’s own. A mind hell bent on human destruction. Anyway, what’s your question?”

“Mommy, are we going to die from nuclear war?” asked child Samantha Stern on her way back from school. “Well then why are there more and more politically unstable countries making nuclear power their strategic goal? Was it because we were soft on North Korea? Mommy? Why are you crying?”