Kailua-Kona, Hawaii – A local man invented a new game three-player ping pong.

“Death! Death abound!” shouted one prophet. “This is surely the sign that the end is here! What more can you see? Watch me change this rope into a snake which will give you the exact hour of the end!”

“You’re all [expletive deleted]ed.” said a long snake.

Other inventors are rushing to force two player games into the new “three player” arena. Three player fencing, three player solitaire and three player marriage are all under development by top game developers.

“Once the triumvirate of evil begins, no man can stop it,” claimed demon Lieutenant Second Class William “the cowboy rapist” Garcia. “I’ve been waiting a hundred and fifty years to bring my hell spawn to the Earth and collect the souls of children. As you can see by my rotting flesh and unbridled aggression, I’m very excited.”

The global community calls for the “destruction of this evil thing with shall usher in a thousand years of darkness” unless “it’s affordable and packaged well.”