We Think We’re Not But We Are, And That’s Not Good

New York, NY – A new poll finds many Americans have skewed perceptions when it comes to their weight, often believing they are thinner than they really are, even when the scales are shouting otherwise.

“Don’t forget: it’s your job to be thin,” said a doctor. “If you’re not looking like the girls on TV, then you’re doing something wrong. Everyone must look at you and go ‘damn girl!’ This is the one and only thing you should concentrate on for your entire life, until you get old and too ugly to live. At least, that’s the AMA’s view.”

“Did someone just call me fat?” asked a very fat man. “Who just said I was fat? I can’t see them, but I know someone called me fat. Yes, my face might be a little chubby and some of that extra skin could be obscuring my eyes, but I’m not fat. What? Who said that?”

The National Skinny Association of America (NSAA) called the news “troubling”, “we used to look so good. What ever happened to that glorious emaciated 80s look?” and “hell, we’d even settle for ‘athletic’ right now. Skinny is the goal, but… well, we’re all making cutbacks.”

“Most Americans have skewed views on everything,” reasoned an American. “We think we’re the best even though we’re six-pack-drinking idiots who like reality TV, have a two party system and can’t exercise any financial restraint. We’re also self-obsessed, loud-mouthed, invaders. No? Fair enough.”

We Think We’re Not But We Are, And That’s Not Good

New York, NY – A new poll finds many Americans have skewed perceptions when it comes to their weight, often believing they are thinner than they really are, even when the scales are shouting otherwise. “Don’t forget: it’s your job to be thin,” said a doctor. “If you’re not looking like the girls on TV, then you’re doing something wrong. Everyone must look at you ...

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