Potenza, Italy – Italian police said they had seized about six trillion dollars of fake US Treasury bonds in Switzerland, and issued arrest warrants for eight people accused of international fraud and other financial crimes.

“Sure, we’ve ‘seized’ six trillion in US bonds,” said a top Italian official. “And we’ll be sure to turn this over to the proper authorities and not spend it to get out of our six billion dollar budget problem.” He took a sip of wine and slowly winked.

“Something doesn’t add up,” said a US detective. “What were the Italians doing in Switzerland seizing US bonds? And where were the French in all of this.” He looked over his shoulder before adding, “they’re the new Germans, you know. And the Germans are the new Canadians. Canada is the new us, and we’re the new Italians, which is why they were in Switzerland! I knew it!”

The Center for Responsible Reporting called this report “piss poor”, “you haven’t even gotten to the ‘why’ of the story yet and you’re already done” and “we’ll see to it that your credentials are revoked and you’ll never step foot in here again. Also, how did you get in here?”

“I took us several years to make these arrests,” said a US State Department official. “So I want to make sure that all counterfeiters know that we move extremely slow and only on the biggest cases.” After a few nods he added, “that’ll stop ‘em.”