Washington DC – The Federal Department of Transportation rules that require airlines to quote prices including all required fees and taxes are in effect as of today, which triggered lawsuits from most US airlines.

“It’s time airlines stop taking advantage of the American people,” said a Congressman to the press corp. “That’s our job.” After a stunned silence he added, “I meant, our job to stop. To stop the taking advantage of, that’s our job. To… umm, excuse me.”

“What?” shouted an airline executive. “I have to tell people that I’m overcharging them? How the hell am I going to make hundreds of millions a year?” He pointed to a panther and added, “five hundred thousand that the panther can take the bear in three rounds.”

Banks called the new rules “troubling”, “if this trend continues, they’re figure out that we’ve been overcharging for what amounts to basic banking services” and “that’ll be five dollars. Sorry, it’s a teller interview charge. We’ll just draw it out of your account- oh. Overdraft fee.”

“So I don’t have to pay ‘transportation fees?’” asked a traveler. “I won’t be hit with ‘baggage fees’, ‘fuel charges’, ‘supplemental fees’ or ‘local fees’? I still will be? Then what changes? Oh. Well then who’s lobbying for me? Oh. Well then the terrorists won, haven’t they?”