Washington DC – Two-thirds of respondents to a new survey say that President Barack Obama would be better suited to handle an alien invasion than presumptive Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney.
“We’re pleased the American people trust us to lead the fight against those who look different than us,” said a spokesman for the Democratic leader. “After all, that’s what makes America great: killing things that look different than… oh no. Ummm, did anyone here call ‘no backsies’? Then I’m declaring backsies. Backsies.”
“Woah, who said anything about invasion?” asked observer Glii Pliii’ta. “Our mission is simply to observe this Blarn.” He tapped one of his tentacles on the ship’s deck and added, “we’re not to interfere with any of the blossoming life on these planets. Yes, there are several in the Blarn. You don’t know what a Blarn is? Hmmm.”
NASA called the poll “incorrect”, “the only way to repel the alien attack is to let us finish building the magnetic weapon on the moon” and “yes, or the sun expoloder, but that’s more of a last-ditch-effort sorta weapon. Anyway, please give us money. Please?”
“It’s a classic political survey,” said a pollster. “We always ask ‘who would be best if aliens attack?’ We also ask ‘who would you trust during the zombie apocalypse?’ and ‘who’s tougher on crime?’ Standard questions. Oh, we also ask, ‘who’s got the longest [expletive deleted]?’ Yes, we say [expletive deleted]. Standard.”