Stockholm, Sweden – A team of salvage divers has discovered an unexplained object resting at the bottom of the Baltic Sea near Sweden.

“We’re positive it’s the spaceship from the ancient aliens who founded our great race,” said a top EU official to the international press corp. “Everyone knows it, but we’re not afraid to say it.” After the laughter subsided he added, “oh, I get it. Kick us when we’re down.”

“Who knows what this is,” said a bored Swede on a diving boat. “We get hundreds of these odd finds a year. Why you think anything is interesting is beyond me.” After a long sigh he added, “just like the sea, life is empty and meaningless. Okay, time to suit up!”

The Pentagon called the strange object “none of your concern”, “maybe you guys should leave weapon X500 alone. Who knows what it would do to a human when it goes off” and “well, we know what it would do to a human. Hell, it creates earthquakes! Ummm, we’d like to redact most of what we just said.”

“Who knows what it could be!” said a reader. “I guess I’ll just find out when they print a followup story, even if the story is super boring and has nothing sensational in it.” After a wink he added, “was that what you were looking for? Cool.”