Sydney, Australia – The inventor of the digital currency bitcoin has finally been revealed, according to an interview with several media outlets and a blog post written by the man himself.
“So it was him!” yelled a user. “I knew it all along.” After a very long pause he noted, “so… I guess I’ll just move on with my life and not really worry about this ever again. Not that it really effected me to begin with. Is it effect or affect? Both? In this instance? Well, is it both or broth. Because I’m a bro? Yeah, I do have a lot of time on my hands. A lot.”
“Now we know who to kill,” said a CIA agent. “And then the world will be locked to a fiat currency until the Last War. Oh, yeah, that’s what we’re calling World War III. But some of it’s in space, so it’s the last one. As far as we can tell. Well, as far as the computer can tell. That thing can predict anything. I mean, besides the Royals winning again. Damn Royals.”
Other inventors who have come forward are “Walter R. Aroune, inventor of cats”, “Simon Cambell, the inventor of Europe” and “Donna Fitzgerald, the inventor of, you know, doing like that. No, like that. Yeah, but he’s around… yeah, that.”
“But this is currency that is untethered that has true free market value,” said an American. “That seems strange and dangerous. Huh, yeah, I guess we did really lose our way.” He held up his unemployment check, adding, “oh well!”