Brexit Ruins Markets, Lives, Language

London, UK – Fears Britain is on the verge of voting to leave the European Union, a Brexit, next week spread through global financial markets today, sending Asian and European shares sharply lower and the pound to an eight-week low.

“My fear is what’s driving my economic decisions,” said a day trader. “After all, economics isn’t about math or numbers. It isn’t about supply and demand. It isn’t about business, oh no. No, no, no. It’s about emotion. Raw [expletive deleted]ing emotion.” He fell to his knees, tore open his shirt and yelled, “[expletive deleted]ing emotion!”

“We might exit,” said a Brit after giving a long wink. “Or we might not. Why don’t you give me your wallet to help me decide.” He then took all of the Euros out of our wallets, then added, “eh, we’re still going to exit. But thanks for the funny money.” It was a lesson in humility, one that we will not soon forget.

The markets also over-reacted to “China’s declaration that it owns the world”, “a Swiss statement that they won’t be releasing any invested monies” and “several terrorist acts.”

“Is anyone else annoyed at the term ‘Brexit?'” asked a French woman. “It’s not a word! That’s like saying ‘Chinopoly’ or ‘Canadussy.’ You know, because they’re [expletive deleted]s. Oh, come on, we’re all always thinking it, no? Then why did you know what I meant. Yes, you are good with context clues. You want to grab a wine? Great!”