Beijing, China – All those charts showing China’s economy surging past the US by 2030, or 2025, or even 2017, look preposterous as experts now claim China may not surpass the US this century.

“Whew,” said a top US official. “That was a close one, but we did it. We won.” He sat back in his chair, took a few deep breaths, then picked up his iPhone, adding, “thank God, right? Now I have more time to check my Facebook.” He then sat there for almost twenty minutes, occasionally chuckling whilst tapping at his phone.

“What?” screamed a Chinese official. “We’re not going to beat the US? Why not?” He looked around, adding, “oh, right, because we’re exploiting our lower class, overtaxing our middle class, and only listening to those who bribe us. But that’s what they’re doing! How can they- oh, right, they don’t care if they fail. Well played, US, well played.”

The Center For Studies called the new study “a slap in the proverbial face”, “since we’re an institution, you can’t slap us as if we were a person, hence the proverbial face thing” and “oh, right, our statement. Ummm, well, we’re shocked to see that after hundreds of claims that China would surpass the US, that every ‘expert’ was wrong. It’s- ow! Why did you slap me?”

“Why not use this time to stop our political squabbling, clean up our government policies, cull broken industries and use those unemployed in the development of new industries that will keep us on top,” said an American. “Okay, why are you giving me the finger?”