Orange, CA – Prospectors in Southern California are heading to the hills, saying the severe drought has exposed gold that has never been touched by human hands.
“Gold! There’s gold up in them mountains!” said a man in a Maserati. “What? This is the modern prospector. Hold on, I have to take this.” After a brief cell call he added, “look, the price of gold just jumped two percent. I have to go.” As he spun off he shouted, “yeeeeeeeehaw!”
“Who knew a changing climate would be so bad?” asked a protestor. “Maybe we should embrace this new world instead of clinging onto the old, crappy one.” She put down her sign, adding, “I was just doing this because my friends were doing it. And I’m pretty sure they were doing it because they thought I was. Life’s weird, huh?”
The Center for Silver called the boom “tragic”, “just when we were getting a grip on in the metal’s market” and “shut up, platinum! No, shut up! Shut… yes, shut up.”
“You know it’s going to rain tomorrow, right?” asked a woman at the checkout line. “And it takes, like, weeks to get up into the mountains and look for gold. So…” She waited, eyebrows raised, then added, “oh, I thought you wanted to talk about the Bachelor.”