Washington DC – US Census Bureau announced that eighty six million Americans working in the private sector support over one hundred forty eight million government workers, retirees, pensioners, and non-working Americans.
“Yeah, I go into work every day and have to produce something,” said a worker. “And I’ll lose my job if I don’t. Wait, how do you guys operate. Really? So you just sit for a few hours and then collect massive- hold on, is that how the public sector works? Oh my God, I’d rebel if I weren’t so tired from working. Wait… nope, too tired.”
“That’s my right!” screamed a retired government worker. “I put in my time, now you give me healthcare for the rest of my life! You owe me! Gimmie what’s mine, you greedy bastards!” He threw his golf club onto the fairway, screaming, “mine! I deserve it! Mine!”
The Census Bureau also announced “this is totally sustainable as long as the retiree/benefit group doesn’t keep growing”, “sure, there are a few million Baby Boomers hanging it up, but how could that… oh no” and “run! No, don’t look back! Drop this report and run now! Run!”
“That doesn’t seem very American,” said an American. “Nor does it seem economical. Nor fair. All these people screaming about the rich, but they’re taking money that they didn’t work for. So who’s the slave and who’s the master. Woah, that was not racist, just a generality in terms and- how can this be an arrestable offense? Thought crime? Come on, that’s not- ow! Why are you hitting me? Help!”