Cars Recalled For Burning Up For No Reason, Which Is A Pretty Good Reason

Detroit, MI – Nissan says it’s recalling almost eighty thousand vehicles in the US to fix possible gasoline leaks.

“We aren’t recalling the three hundred and fifty thousand vehicles overseas because they really aren’t as litigious as people in the US,” said a company spokesman. “We’d like to apologize in advance to the people of Europe for the horrible burns they’re about to suffer.”

“Everything we make will kill you,” said a plane manufacturer. “It’s not ‘if’ it’s ‘when.’ What? Cars? Then why the hell are you… ohhhh, you got me.” He pulled a gun and added, “now get in the plane. Now!”

The American Automobile Association called the recall “totally unnecessary”, “think about it: things burn up all the time. What’s next, recalling toasters that start fires? Baby cribs that spontaneously combust?” and “now hold on. You called us for an opinion and we’re going to give it to you. We don’t care if you like it or not, our official position is- hold on [phone clattering]. Hello? Who is this? No, I’m the AAA rep. That was our intern, who I’m guessing doesn’t care that his uncle is Chairman.”

“Recalls are always good,” said a consumer. “It means that eventually, the manufacturer decided it’s better to keep us alive to keep buying things rather than killing us and losing all that income. I guess capitalism does work!”

Report filed by Editor at 10:01 am