Brussels, Belgium – The European Union antitrust chief, who has already charged Google with favoring its own shopping service in internet searches, said on that she was now examining its deals with phone makers and operators.
“Oh, sure, pick on our nerds,” said a US General. “Of course, you’re not going to pick on the big kid with all the guns, but rather the geeky kid who likes robots.” He shook his head, adding, “it’s time we stopped global bullying! Plus, it’s sorta nice to slap socialists around. I mean, talk about nerds, right?”
“It’s time we stop those greedy bastards from developing things that better the human race,” said a European official. “That’s our job.” He looked around the room of downcast eyes, then yelled, “they need us! It’s our job! They can’t do it themselves! Why isn’t anyone saying anything? We’re doing the right thing! The right thing, damn it!”
The EU is also threatening “phone companies for owning the rights to phones lines”, “electrical plants for producing energy, a thing that should be free because we think so” and “ideas, because, whatever! It’s all ours, yet all free!”
“In the end, can anyone really define a ‘trust’ or ‘anti-trust’?” asked a Google employee. “What? No, I haven’t googled it, but… oh. Oh boy. Yeah, that’s us. But we’re good, so let’s just let it slide, okay? Okay, how about this: Google gave us all laser guns. Slide? Great.”