San Francisco, CA – According to research scheduled to be published in August in the Journal of Communication, when people tagged their friends on Facebook in voting reminders, turnout increased by fifteen to twenty four percent.
“If someone posts on Facebook, it normally spurs me into action,” said a woman. “I mean, after I get over the shame and hurt of that specific post. I mean, come on, we all know that was a dig at me. Why else would an old high school friend post a picture of an ‘I Voted’ sticker? Well, it worked, Melissa. It worked.”
“We’ve won!” shouted an employee. “Now, to conquer outer space! Yes, that was our goal all along!” He then babbled on about a dystopian future where Facebook has conquered the known universe and is in the business of custom universe creations, which, he speculates, is what we’re living in. It was both fascinating and frightening.
Research also shows “Americans are getting dumberian”, “yes, that’s a word” and “oh no, it’s already happening! Quick, we must escape to Canada! Yes, it’s safe, who really goes there?”
“It makes sense,” said a sociologist. “With the influence of the internet reaching millions of users, it’s no wonder people are coerced into social movements. Granted, most, if not all of them are stupid, but, you know, you gotta keep busy. At least, that’s what the voices say. What? Shhhhh, he’s still here.”