Paris, France – India’s killer heatwave is leaving the country reeling from the worst drought in decades and a rural population struggling to survive.
“No, we’re all fine,” said an Indian man. “I mean, we always have water problems, but it’s no different than other summers.” He cocked his head and asked, “are you just projecting your water woes on us? And aren’t you water problems in your Californias self-imposed? Oh, I read you wouldn’t kill a few fish so millions don’t have water. Well, then why do you believe what you read about us?”
“Global warming is killing us all,” said a woman. “And that’s the proof.” She waved her hands, adding, “I don’t have time to actually follow up on research or whatever. That’s your job as reporters, to read it all and then tell me.” She leaned in close, adding, “I’m trusting you. Please, don’t hurt me.”
Pakistan called the news “alarming”, “we could be next” and “this is literally the opening we need. Oh no, not to invade, to engage our enemies with trade and assistance. Dude, we’ve been trying to reach out for, like, forever. NATO and all those jerks keep hanging up on us. That’s why we got the bomb, to get some respect.”
“It’s a shame we can’t just find water somewhere,” said a woman. “Or find a way to use the water we have. Or get water from a place we haven’t gotten it before. Oh, no, I don’t have any suggestions, I was just talking. It’s nice to- oh, okay, bye.”