Toledo, KS – A new report claims poultry workers are routinely denied basic needs such as bathroom breaks to the point of being forced to wear diapers while on the line.
“We’ve done nothing wrong,” said an executive. “Those people volunteered to work for us and signed a contract waving any rights as humans. That’s the America way.” After a long pause he added, “‘meria,” with no further explanation.
“It’s inhumane,” said a worker. “To kill all of those chickens! And then to treat us like the chickens! And then chicken chicken chick chicken chicken.” We weren’t sure, but it was very possible the woman was just a bunch of chickens wearing a coat and hardhat.
The report also claims “workers were routinely forced to listen to jazz”, “workers were often shown the first three Star Wars movies” and “workers had little to no say in the ongoing chicken-human feud. Oh yes, it’s very real.”
“Who would have thought a slaughterhouse would be bad?” asked a woman. “Not I, a professor of English.” She waved to her various degrees tastefully mounted on her office wall, adding, “not I.”
“Let’s burn it to the ground!” shouted a protestor. “We don’t need these horrible people to make our food for us! We can just eat beans and… various other…” He sighed, noting, “abuse [the workers] all you want. I need food.”