Washington DC – The director of the CIA said ISIS can draw on a “large cadre of Western fighters” that could attack in the US and the terror threat posed by the group remains as dangerous as ever despite efforts to crush it militarily.
“So it turns out they’re dangerous,” said a CIA agent. “Like, super dangerous. Yeah, I know, we just found out too.” He looked around his office, adding, “I mean, who knew? Last we heard they weren’t extremists, they weren’t associated with a religion, and they were because the previous President did something. Not our problem, was the word. Not our problem.”
“Come on, we’re just doing our job,” said a terrorist. “You guys get it, right?” He shrugged, adding, “it’s all about the hate, right? So let us do our job and don’t hate on our hate, because then you’re just as bad as us.” He then began a hashtag that made us all feel like we were apart of the discussion and were active in protecting ourselves.
The CIA also noted “that Hitler guy wasn’t too good”, “that’s right, we went right to Hitler. The most extreme case. Why? Because it gets more eyes on this report” and “yeah, our media center says not enough people read CIA reports. Mostly because of the classification.”
“Oh, so another government agency is on the case,” said a reader. “That’s, what? Twelve now? Hundreds of people with thousands upon thousands of hours to protect us? Is it working? No, my job isn’t to figure it out, that’s your job. You work for the government: figure it out. Now!”