CIA Tattles On Iran

Washington DC – According to an annual CIA report to Congress, Iran expanded its nuclear program last year with continued uranium enrichment and growing infrastructure development.

“And they said they wouldn’t, but they did, and we said they shouldn’t, but they still did,” testified an out of breath CIA agent. “So, if we can do, like, stuff, to stop them we totally would, but, you can’t tell on us, okay?” He stood and added, “that’s my official statement.”

“What?” shouted an Iranian diplomat. “That is offensive! We should nuke you for those accusations.” He straightened his tie before adding, “that is to say, if we had nukes, we would nuke you. Give it a few more years. You’ll see.”

The International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA) called the report “shameless”, “no one likes a tattle tale” and “we’re sick of the CIA bulling everyone. If we all get together we could totally beat them up. Shhhh, here they come.”

“They said they would do this almost ten years ago,” said a Congressman. “And then they did. That just goes to show you what kind of crazy nation are we dealing with.” He shuddered violently before adding, “a government that does what it says is a threat to humanity. Humanity!”

Report filed by Editor at 11:01 am