Climate Change Stories Finally Revised To Fit Apocalyptic Narrative

Los Angeles, CA – A new project called Climate Feedback, run by a French scientist living in California, has critiqued climate change stories in the New York Times, Rolling Stone, the Telegraph, Forbes magazine, the Wall Street Journal and more.

“These stories are wrong,” said a climate change fan(atic). “They need to be more jarring, more extreme, and more dire. There’s hardly a human face in this story! Where are the distressed indigenous people who live on the coastline for thousands of generations? Where are the poor farmer or fisherman? Why aren’t more companies being villainized? Disgusting.”

“All I wanted to do was put a critical eye on the feverish claims from scientists who are changing data-” said a researcher seconds before the firing squad shot six bullets into his heart. He tried to finish his thought, but it was muted under the blood flowing from his mouth. As his body was dragged away, another researcher was placed in the chair and he yelled, “why not apply science to-”

Other websites include revising “the discovery of the Americas, where the natives kill the horrible explorers”, “the civil war where the Democrats win and keep slavery” and “websites, so everything conforms to our extreme view.”

“Isn’t the point of science to challenge things?” asked a child. “And, like, shouldn’t we just evaluate the facts and not some computer adjusted number? Isn’t it okay to say that things change slowly, and still make your argument that we’re messing with the planet? Wow, that’s a lot of noes.”