Tampa, FL – According to the US Department of Transportation eight airlines from select cities could begin flying to and from Havana as early as this fall.
“I can’t wait to stand in a line to travel to America,” said a Cuban. “I mean, the racism, the executions, the poverty! They’re finally just like us! Hurray for globalization!” He spat several times in the street, then stabbed a woman standing next to him. We tried to stop him, but the local authorities stopped us, claiming he knew one of the brothers.
“We look forward to torturing the people of another country,” said an airline official. “Not only will there be soul-crushing delays, but lost luggage, tons of fees, paperwork, fines for missing paperwork or unpaid fees, so much confusion over language and customs.” He held up his hands, adding, “I’m already chafing from all the hand-rubbing-in-anticipation! Chafing!”
Cuba called the opening “great”, “it’s always a good day when you beat your enemy” and “oh yes, you’re weak and soft. So much so we’re literally floating over our tanks to take over Florida. No, you can’t give it to us, we’re taking it!”
“This is a huge step for all of us who have family in Cuba but haven’t been able to get there for fifty years,” said an American. “And, know, now we can trade with them and get… damn it, were we duped again? And why the hell am I charged an international traveling fee? What is that?”