Dinosaurs Threaten Earth With Global Warming Burps

Seattle, WA – A new study suggests that dinosaurs may have helped keep an already overheated world warmer with their flatulence and burps two hundred million years ago.

“Who knows when these ‘dinosaurs’ will return to kill us all,” said a scientist. “If they don’t eat us, they’ll heat the earth with their fire belches! The only way out is Mutual Assured Destruction. General? Arm the missiles!” He stared at the motionless General for a long time before adding, “please?”

“Oh, we’ve given up on your planet,” said a talking dinosaur as he piloted his spaceship though the ninth dimension. “We bombarded that puny rock as soon as we reached what you call ‘space.’ A shame those rodents survived. Anyway. When you wake up this will all seem like a weird dream. Annnnnnnnnnnddddd, wake!”

The National History Museum called the study “a suggestion, that’s all”, “don’t tell us what the dinosaurs did and didn’t do” and “if you challenge us again, you will pay the ultimate price. This time, it won’t be a suggested donation, if you know what we mean.”

“How did they figure that out?” asked a woman. “Or is this another ‘global warming’ thing? Yeah, right, the ‘Earth’s getting hotter’ and ‘we’re all going to die.’” She snorted before adding, “just another government entity trying to get in my pants. Well, it’s not going to happen, buster! Not again.”

Report filed by Editor at 11:01 am