A Doctor Bribed Is A Doctor Prescribed

Atlanta, GA – A new study shows physicians who accepted even one meal sponsored by a drug company were much more likely to prescribe a name-brand drug to patients later.

“It’s not like that,” said Dr. Geo Dominici. “I’m going to write you a prescription for these three drugs. Take them four times a day, with water, and then, hold on, lemme write you two more to balance out- you know what? Let’s make it an even seven.” After writing the scrips he picked at his white coat, adding, “huh, is that steak or lobster?”

“So I don’t need these drugs?” asked a woman at St. Bernadine’s Recovery Ward. “They just over prescribed? So the voices? They’re not- hold on, they’re tell me- okay. Yes, but he’s not worthy- okay. No, you shut up! No!” She then charged our reporter and tried to bite his face off. Thankfully, the restrains kept her from doing any permanent damage.

The study also showed “doctors love getting box seats to anything”, “physicians sure do enjoy eating delicious things in nice places” and “it’s almost like they believe that a decade of hard work equates to success! Those sick bastards. That’s right, we’re editorializing in a study. Deal!”

“It’s probably more,” said a professor of sociology at Fresno State University. “Think about it: how many doctors would really admit they broke the Hippocratic Oath for a meal? Yeah, we’re not at the top of the health heap. Yeah, it’s a heap.”