Drone Season Finally Opens In Colorado

Denver, CO – A tiny Colorado town is considering letting residents hunt federal drones, with shotguns, for a twenty five dollar fee.

“They’re shooting down seven hundred fifty eight thousand dollar drones?!” screamed a Pentagon official. “And it’s legal? [Chief legal council] Hank [Wasserman], is it legal? Can’t we pass a law or something? Damn it, now we keep track of everyone in an entire state! This is a disaster!”

“As you can see, I’ve been at this for some time,” said Judge Michael Dillander, as he gestured to a burned piece of metal mounted on a plaque on his wall. He took a few puffs from his pipe, put his free hand into his smoking jacket and continued, “yes, I remember that one all too well. I was in the brush, and the beast spotted me. The tall grass was- oh, yes, down the hall, to the left. No problem.”

The Federal Aviation Agency called the permitting idea “intriguing”, “we could sell permits to shoot at helicopters and planes. Oh, these small arms can’t do any real damage” and “gentlemen! I believe we’ve solved our budgeting problem. To the bar! Fine, to the [air traffic controller] tower bar. No, the downstairs one. The upstairs one is too wild for an afternoon drink.”

“This has to be a joke,” said a resident. “Right? I mean, how is this even remotely legal? No, I get what you’re doing. I’m talking, like, in real life. This is just a stunt or something, right? It has to be. Right?”

Report filed by Editor at 12:01 pm