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Thoughts For The Weekend

Thank you for reading Calamity News. In these trying times it’s important to turn to the community for help and sarcasm. As you have guessed, we’re here to help.

If you take all the calamities this week and smash them together, you’d have a Japanese fruity ghost with a gay pet carnivorous plant that had financially dependent pet ants which attacked you by proving the Bible was right on the long drive into work. If you ignored the news then none of that made sense and you’re probably just happy the weekend is here.

Have a safe weekend.

Thoughts For The Weekend

Welcome to Calamity News, where everything we write is fake. Except this. This week you narrowly avoided death by nuclear power, drinking, the moon, lazy teens, civil obligations, bird flu, the DEA, shrimp, bombers, animal bullies, unregulated drugs, the CIA, texas taxes, fat people and the Titanic. How did you do it? By not acknowledging any of those things. Who knew? Have a safe weekend.

Thoughts For The Weekend

Thank you for visiting Calamity News. We’re a lot like the AP feed, except we put a horrible, mangled human face in it. Cheers. You almost died! How did you miss being killed (or at least maimed) by radioactive jellyfish, testicle smashing TSA agents, a horrible economy, evil Google, flying related headaches, mad cow disease, North Korea, asteroids, terrorism, drones and brain freeze? Remember: it’s not a matter of if, it’s a matter of when. Have a safe weekend!

Thoughts For The Weekend

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Thoughts For The Weekend

Thank you for reading Calamity News. What do we do? We take the daily news stories that come across the AP feed and put our own unique spin on them. If the other media outlets can, why can’t we? Don’t answer that. This week you were attacked, outright, by North Korea, hail, women drivers, a ...

Thoughts For The Weekend

Welcome to Calamity News, the only satirical, weekday, black and white, English(ish), news site on the planet. This week you were attacked! What? You weren’t aware that cell phones, Russian zombies, oral surgeons, soda, the CIA, Iran, the stock market, tornadoes, failing tech companies, the army, iPads, liars, the Supreme Court, North Korea and the elderly were trying to kill you? How odd. Have a safe weekend!

Thoughts For The Weekend

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