Egypt Digs Their Way Out Of Debt, Digg Reports

Cairo, Egypt – Ancient mines, once an important source of minerals during the heydays of the ancient Roman and Egyptian civilizations, are now used as a guide in the search for new sources of gold in Egypt’s eastern desert.

“Look, I’m not gonna lie, we totally lost a lot of money,” said an Egyptian official. “But, the good news is, we can mine out more money and spend it on… oh, let’s not lie, on us. The government needs money to pay the government which will pass more laws to spend money. It’s a sick cycle, but it’s important for… oh, I’m not gonna lie.”

“Why didn’t we think of this?” asked a White House official. “We did? And how did it go? Environmental reports? Wait, impact statements? Is this really- so we’re not even going to- wow. But what about stopping our dependence on foreign- oh. Okay, yeah, you win. You’re obviously yelling because you represent a majority of how people feel. Sorry.”

Egyptian government also plans to “build big temples to neglected gods who will help us with city management”, “give daily tours across the river Duat” and “start the hashtag SaveEgypt. Should bring in a few billion. Yeah, Patreon is a good idea too.”

“Yeah, that won’t work,” said the ruler of a small African country. “No matter how many rare elements you find, you’re still going to be poor. Mostly because it’s tough to more people’s mindsets. It takes generations, and even then- hold on, someone’s at the palace doors. Who? Oh, you’re saying coup. God it.”