Election Is Over, Obama Wins

Washington DC – With fewer than nine months to go before Election Day, a political website predicts that Barack Obama will win the presidential contest with three hundred three electoral votes to the Republican nominee’s two hundred thirty five.

“Well, it’s over,” said a potential Republican nominee. “He ran a great campaign. See you in four years.”

“Everyone knows what’s said on the internet comes true,” said a blogger. “That’s why it’s called the internet. No need to elaborate, I’m already on another topic!”

“Booyeah!” shouted a White House official. “We won!” He high-fived several confused interns before jumping in the air and shouting, “America!”

“We’ve just broke ground on the Presidential museum,” said Obama Presidential Museum curator. “You should see the stuff he passes in the next four years: banning guns, redistributes wealth, rich executions, mandatory abortions. Classic Prez.”

“So the news is reporting that one website says the President won?” asked a reader. “How is this real news? Seriously? Are you just going to stare at me? Jerk.”

Report filed by Editor at 12:01 pm