New York, NY – ABC News announced this morning that it plans to join forces with Univision News to create a multiplatform news, lifestyle and information programming service aimed at US Hispanics.
“It’s important that we grab the Latino demographic,” said a top network executive to the press corp. “And since these people don’t have a word for ‘pandering’, we’re golden.” After a short off-mic conversation with a nervous man, he added, “please don’t repeat what I just said. Thank you.”
“We look forward to corrupting the White Devil,” said a representative for the Spanish speaking news. “Our plan to ruin their work ethic and change their political views is coming together. Nothing can stop us!” After a brief salsa dance he shouted, “olé!”
Other news networks announced “we’re going to get some ethnics on our side too”, “just because a bunch of old, white men make a vast majority of our programming decisions, doesn’t mean we’re not in touch with the non-whites” and “ew, that’s a minority? Gross! Quickly, retreat to the Cape!”
“This is great!” said a viewer. “Now they can steal game shows, reality shows and dramas from a whole new continent: South Americaland.” In the uncomfortable silence he added, “what? That’s a place. It’s south of us. Whatever, look it up. Yes, I went to public school. Why- oh, I see. Making fun of the minority? Of course I am, I’m Greek, you racist! Racist!”
