Fed To Hike Up Their Skit, Rates

Washington DC – Federal Reserve Chair Janet Yellen said an interest rate hike is “probably” appropriate in the coming months if economic data improve.

“Look, we’re sick of hinting at things,” said a Federal Reserve officer. “So we’re going to tell you, straight up, yo, fo real, dis [expletive deleted] is about to get [expletive deleted]ing real, arite?” After doing a quick break dance move he yelled something about being most deaf and then sauntered off.

“No!” shouted a banker. “We’re not in the [expletive deleted]ing business of giving money away! I don’t care if you’re entrusting us with your money. That’s your [expletive deleted]ing bad play, you [expletive deleted]ing [expletive deleted]face. Yes, you are all [expletive deleted]ing [expletive deleted]faces and I don’t care if that comes off as overly aggressive. We’re too big to insult. It doesn’t have to make sense, [expletive deleted]er, that’s the point!”

The Fed also hinted “we might have found that crayon that melted in the rear window area”, “we really should come up with a better word for that area” and “rear shelf? Back space? Whatever, this is a brainstorm, there are no bad suggestions.”

“Good!” said a man who is locked into a mortgage but is starting to save for his kids’ college education. “I’m the only one who likes this, but- ow! Yeah, I guess that was slap worthy. Well, back to my twenty five hundred square foot house and- ow!”