Germany Collapses Due To Things We Don’t Understand

Berlin, Germany – The yield on the ten year benchmark German bond fell into negative territory for the first time ever this morning, amid global growth concerns and jitters over the UK’s upcoming referendum on its European Union membership.

“Our backs are aching,” said a German. “Because we’re carrying the whole EU! Get it? Why doesn’t anyone get German humor? Is it because we’re pure evil or… yeah, it makes sense.” He wiped away a tear, adding, “can’t we have fun too? Fine! Then we’ll burn it all down! That is the German way! No, seriously, look it up, we have a long and rich history of burning things. Even our modern anarchists burn cars. Look it up.”

“But Germany was the bedrock of this whole thing!” yelled a Greek man. “If they go then the entire scam will be revealed!” He picked up a roll of copper wire, adding, “this is my entire savings! Please, get me out of this hellhole. Yes! Capitalism is the answer. Granted, I don’t really want to work at things, but I hear you have free health- wait! Don’t leave me here!”

The markets also dropped due to “wind”, “something about a planet doing something” and “the markets doing well. It’s all a confusing tangle of emotions and numbers. Mostly emotion. Help.”

“So, at the end of the day, this whole EU thing depends on all the nations doing their best,” said a Brit. “And, let’s face it, socialists and ‘our best’ don’t really, what’s the American word? Jive? Yes, jive. God help us all. Bleak, I know, but…”