Greece Agrees To Agreements From Three Years Ago

Athens, Greece – Greek political leaders have reached a deal with EU and IMF lenders on reforms required in return for a new bailout.

“Fine, this time we’ll enact the austerity measures,” said a top Greek official. “This time. For real.” He held up his hands, showing the fingers crossed and added, “what, this? Oh, in Greece this means we swear it. Yep, this time we’re totally going to follow all of the crazy measures some other countries imposed on us. Believe us.”

“Finally,” said a German diplomat. He turned to the army behind him and shouted, “sorry, guys, but the invasion is off. I know, no one is more disappointed than I, but we have to give them one last chance. I know it’s frustrating, but that’s just because we have a high level of waricite in our blood. Maybe Spain will screw up.”

The US Federal Bank called the move “crazy as all get down”, “dude, you can’t… it’s just not…” and “oh my God. Seriously? You’re just going to fix all of your problems with some political thing? That’s so unfair it’s not even funny.”

“I hope this works,” said a day trader. “It will stabilize the markets and help the Western world grow again.” He pulled out a map, pointed to the Middle East and added, “then, we can finish the job. Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you were from that extremist site. Then why are you here?”