Greeks Lose Their Minds

Athens, Greece – The spokesman for Greece’s far-right party Golden Dawn threw a glass of water at a female leftist politician and hit another in the face on live television today, causing a political uproar and leading a prosecutor to seek his arrest.

“We’re searching high and low for this official,” said a Greek police officer as he rolled a cigarette. “He will not escape our net.” He then leaned back in his chair, lit the cig and noted, “as soon as I start getting my old pay and benefits. And yes, this is what I would do even if I was getting my old pay and benefits. Your welcome.”

“Since civilization as we know it is unraveling, why not just beat the living [expletive deleted] out of women?” asked a top Greek lawmaker. “I mean, what’s the harm in that? We’ve been doing it for years, so why do we have to bow to these new European Union women-hitting austerity measures?”

Ancient Greek Gods called the action “deplorable”, “if we weren’t in this old folks home, we’d totally do something” and “retirement, reshrirement! We know what this is, it’s an old folks home! And why don’t you sacrifice anymore? Out of sight, out of mind? After all we’ve done for you?”

“Makes you glad you’re an American,” said a Congressman. “Now, hows about you approve this measure that will take a few hundred more in taxes for programs no one will use?” After a laugh he added, “why am I asking you? My bad.”