Washington DC – According to data for the 2015 tax year from the Tax Policy Center, an estimated forty five percent of American households, or seventy five million patriots, will pay no federal individual income tax.
“Damn poor!” yelled an IRS agent. “I thought we hired the rich to take care of this whole ‘poor’ problem. Right? Isn’t that why we’re making them fight each other instead of rising up and firing all of us. Honestly, a flat percentage would pull in trillions more and cut about twenty percent of government waste.” He drew his sidearm, adding, “but we can’t have the press blabbing about this, now can we? No, you’re all over the road this morning! You are!”
“Yeah, I stiffed you,” said a non-tax payer. “You stiff.” After a long pause he added, “actually, I put down single two on my form, so I’m getting money back. Yeah, they’re giving me free money, can you believe it? No, you’re still a stiff. I dunno, you just look like one. Like a fuddy-duddy. Yes, people still say that. Whatever, stiff.”
The IRS called the percentage “accurate”, “that’s all we can say on the matter, as we’re not allowed to feel” and “unless it’s the state issued self-loathing joy feeling. Then we’re awash in emotion.”
“Isn’t paying tax dependent on so many different things?” asked a dependent. “How much you make, how much you withhold, your deductions, your credits, your interest both in loans and in savings? So isn’t it a little dramatic to just give the number with little explanation? And stop telling me to shut up.”