Austin, TX – Investigations in hospitals across the country have revealed the use of dirty surgical instruments, such as endoscopes used for colonoscopies, have led to infection outbreaks.
“What?” asked a shocked hospital official. “We always have someone hand wash these instruments! That’s it, we’re sending him back to Paraguay. Looks like you can’t skimp on ‘health’ things in a hospital.” After rolling her eyes she shouted, “get out, Juan!”
“Anytime you go into a hospital for anything you’re going to catch a deadly, exotic disease and die,” said an investigator. “Oh, I don’t like the conclusion either, but I get paid by the discovery. Hey, look, a dime has ridges and a nickel is smooth! Discovery!”
The American Medical Association called the investigation “extremely intrusive”, “we don’t go to your job and slap the [cliche sexual insult omitted], so why you gotta investigate our peeps?” and “oh, right, the horrible medical failures that no first world country would tolerate. Damn, looks like our collective [cliche sexual insult omitted], right?”
“You know they weren’t doing a good job if investigators from a morning show busted them,” said a mother who watches morning show. “You can spot those guys a- oh, shhhh. They’re going to give us more hints as to find whats-his-face. I think he’s in Canada this week. Right? Look at all that sand!”
