Iran To EMP US

Los Angeles, CA – A secret Iranian military document reveals a plan to attack the US electrical grid with an electromagnetic pulse.

“This way, we can take the city intact,” said an Iranian ‘diplomat.’ “You understand, yes? Your people will riot, yes, and many thousands will die, but once the executions begin, you will be helpless, yes? Gun laws in California say no guns, no? So then you’re done, yes? Yes.” He drew his weapon, adding, “you’re my prisoner now, yes? Good.”

“We gotta stop telling people we’re intercepting secret memos,” said a high-ranking CIA agent. “Then again, I shouldn’t be giving the press interviews in one of our underground, secret jails.” He pointed to a few prisoners, adding, “and I shouldn’t let you see these guys or tell you their execution dates. Tomorrow, by the way. Turns out they really were tourists and not spies. Go figure, right?”

The Iranians also plan to “blow up a volcano and blacken the skies of America”, “destroy the San Andreas fault and drop California into the ocean” and “cut off Florida and float it out to sea.”

“Can I make an EMP?” asked a MIT student. “Yes. Should I? Probably not. Are the plans available on-line? You bet they are. So are we safe? No. Not at all.” He shook his head and whispered, “not at all.”