Baghdad, Iraq – Cheating has gotten so out of hand in Iraq that officials are blocking the Internet nationwide to prevent students from accessing leaked exam answers via Facebook.
“Okay, so we’ll just Skype with NATO and confirm they’ll help us fight ISIS and secure our country one and for… hold on, just waiting to connect,” said a high-level Iraqi official to the council of elders. “Just another second, guys. No, don’t leave, it’s just a formality and then we’ll.. I don’t know why it’s not… where is Tim from IT? Is Tim here? Can someone find Tim, we’re not getting internet- Tim?”
“Cheating is all we know,” said an Iraqi. “After all, we are an uncivilized people that could only be controlled by a ruthless dictator.” After a very long sip of tea he added, “is that what you think of us? Well, maybe you Americans should rethink Iraq, no?” He then pulled a knife, adding, “also, hand over your wallet.”
School officials called the cheating “out of hand”, “super out of hand” and “unhandily the handedly out of hand any hand has ever handed. No, we don’t have to explain that. Fine, we stole that line from somewhere. Who cares! We’re free!”
“Is that a reason to shut down communication between millions of people?” asked a White House insider. “Because that seems like the perfect way to stop our naysayers from disrupting our rule.” He nodded to a man who ran out of the room, then added, “then it is done. We now have complete control. Hope.”