Houston, TX – One of the American men accused in Minnesota of trying to join the Islamic State group wanted to open up routes from Syria to the US through Mexico.
“That’s an imaginary border that we ask all drug dealers, cartel killers, terrorists, and illegal immigrants to respect and not cross!” yelled a federal prosecutor. “So, yes, it really does fire me up when people don’t respect our sovereign space. We asked nicely, and the millions of nefarious characters that want to kill us should respect that.”
“Dude, it can’t be this easy,” said a terrorist as he crossed into the US. “Seriously? And I brought in so many of these vials, too!” He patted the back of his ATV, adding, “and this is the fifth run. Also, nothing is guarded. Like, nothing! Water, electric… yeah, there’s five guys at the nuclear facility. Okay, great, so water poisoning it is!”
The Department of Defense called the open borders “not our problem, we deal in defense, not defending the homeland”, Homeland Security called the problem “the border patrol’s problem” and the border patrol noted “we get no funding from the DoD or HLS.”
“I’m sure our leaders have it all under control,” said a man. “Because they convinced us that not building a wall like the rest of the world, is good. Also, that not enforcing our laws is the right thing to do, morally. Also… help.”