Legal, Illegal Drugs Kill Children

London, UK – According to the World Health Organization’s (WHO) new global campaign to promote more research into child medicine, children are dying for lack of drugs tailored to their needs.

“Well, it’s mostly true,” said a WHO spokesman as he played an early morning game of skee-ball. “Kids are always dying and who likes that? So, we roll out this new campaign, spend a few weeks touring the world telling everyone that kids are going to die and everyone wins. Sorry, I have to get back to practicing, the skee-ball tournament is in a few hours and I need to be warmed up and focused.”

“Yeah, this is a independent lab that researches child-sized doses of drugs,” said a man with six teeth and very thin hair. “You guys aren’t the reporters that’re doing the meth lab stories? Well, then I’m the child-drug researcher guy you’re looking for.” After a short pause he added, “buy some meth?”

The WHO’s campaign also listed other things that kill children including “land-mines”, “child-size catapult traps where a toy is placed in the sling, the child takes the toy and is then catapulted several hundred feet” and “divorce.”

“The only way out is for children to unite under one banner and overthrow the adults,” said second grader Jenny Feinberg. “The problem is, the modern gun is too heavy to hold. Oh, why won’t someone invent a child-sized gun? Guess this frustration will have to wait till high school. See you then, news people.”