St. Louis, MO – A grand jury has reached a decision on whether to indict a police officer for defending himself against an attack from a strong-arm robbery suspect.
“We have to make this about race!” shouted a minority. “If we don’t it’s just a story about a man who was high, robbed a store and then was shot for charging a police offer and taking his gun! Facts and emotion are like… something and something. Whatever, I’m sorry I’m not smart like you, oppressor! Riot!”
“We’re looking for evidence to try a case,” said a judge. “That’s it. There’s nothing more than that.” Over the boos he added, “you could literally freak out over any case where two different races are involved. No, that isn’t an invitation to- please, let me eat my breakfast in peace! Yes, I guess if you ordered something you could stay. Great, so everyone’s getting the lumberjack special?”
The UN called the potential finding “alarming”, “another reason why the US should be broken up and distributed to Russia” and “no, Russia didn’t orchestrate this to take out a political obstacle. No, Russia isn’t making us say this. No, Russia is great and you should all bow to her. Russia!”
“I get the feeling that no matter what the verdict, some folks are going to riot,” said a woman. “And that is a shame. Yall should act like civilized folk and not give em the opportunity to call you otherwise.” She shook her head and went back to boarding up her house.