San Francisco, CA – A local bacon restaurant, ‘Bacon Bacon,’ must shut its doors after neighbors’ complaints about the smell of bacon revealed a fatal permitting issue.
“Turns out they never paid the seven hundred dollar ‘restaurant smell’ fee,” said a local official. “They must now either pay the fee, a fine for disregarding the fee, a supplemental fine tax, and, of course, re-apply for all permits. And who says’s we’re not business friendly? Oh, really? All of those people? Oh.”
“I never, in my wildest dreams, would ever think that a place which trades strictly in bacon would emit such a bacony smell,” said a neighbor though her dust mask. “It’s gotten so bad that my kids are developing horrible mouth sores from the constant salivation. Thank God the government stepped in. Thank God.”
The Center for Salad called the complaints “totally justified”, “the first salvo in the new bacon/salad war” and “we refuse to recognize the Cobb Treaty. To war!”
“So this is a news story?” asked an Oregonian. “Not the IRS discriminating against people? Not the coverup of the killing of American citizens in Benghazi? But a bacon store? Also, where is this bacon store? It sounds delicious.”