Washington DC – A federal appeals court has ruled that the federal government may not subsidize health insurance plans for people in thirty six states that decided not to set up their own marketplaces under the law.
“I’m sorry,” said a Justice. “But the law is a real big mess. You can fix it, but everyone’s going to have a hissyfit.” He shook his head, adding, “such a shame. We had a good thing going and then everyone felt like they were owed something. Such a shame.”
“See!” shouted a Republican. “They’re destroying America on purpose!” When pressed as to what he’d do to fix it, he screamed, “they’re wrecking it! Hey, stop wrecking America! Stop!”
The White House called the ruling “illegal”, “we’re looking into an executive action to disband all courts and simply rule by decree” and “oh, you disagree? Then prepare to be audited, racist.”
“Most of the law is great,” said a woman. “It protects us from being denied healthcare from pre-existing conditions, it saves us from high medical bills… it’s just, well, you can’t force people to buy healthcare. I mean, you just can’t, right? So why can’t we have the good parts without the forced purchasing? Oh, so a multi-billion dollar industry based on helping people won’t help people unless it makes money? Can we talk about that? Oh.”