Washington DC – The former Internal Revenue Service official at the heart of the agency’s tea party scandal once again refused to answer questions at a congressional hearing today that quickly devolved into political bickering between Democrats and Republicans.
“Hold on,” said an accountant. “If my client is audited, we have to answer [the IRS's] questions or we go to jail. So how is it even remotely fair that they don’t have to follow the same rules? No, that’s not fair.” He loosened his tie, cleared his throat, then shouted, “insurrection!” and ran out of the room.
“It’s all their fault!” shouted a politician. “No, I won’t identify what party I’m in. I’m just going to point at the other side and blame them for everything, including forcing me to act like this!” He shook his finger, adding, “shame on them! Shame on all of them!”
The IRS issued a statement after the hearing, which read “we don’t have to answer to you [expletive deleted]ing sheeple”, “give us your [expletive deleted]ing money. Do it! Now!” and “shut the [expletive deleted] up. No one likes a whiner. Now empty your [expletive deleted]ing pockets or go to jail. Now, [expletive deleted]er!”
“This whole thing stinks,” said a taxpayer. “If you’re going to be taking our money, you have to have moral authority. Else, you’re just some thief stealing our money for things we’ll never need or use. Oh my God. Is that’s what’s going on here? Oh my God, why didn’t anyone teach us this in school? Oh my God, they’re in on it too! Oh my God!”