Washington DC – According to the 2015 American Time Use Study by the US Bureau of Labor Statistics, employed men work an average of forty two minutes per day more than their female counterparts.
“That’s not right!” yelled a man. “We demand compensation for our work time! We should get paid a little bit more than a woman because we work a little bit- oh.” He looked at his pay stub, adding, “I guess we do. Well, unless you believe the trend Time reported on in 2010 where women get paid as much, or more, in the top two hundred US cities.” He turned back to his computer, adding, “oh well, back to work!”
“I’ve done as much Facebook research as one person can, and I am outraged!” yelled a woman. “We’re not getting paid as much and it’s not fair! I don’t have any numbers to compare, nor do I have any idea how these numbers are calculated, but I assure you we’re getting the short end of the stick! This other ‘report’ is a lie, probably by men! Come on, let’s keep being angry! We need to keep… I dunno why. Just do it!”
The Bureau also noted “men do help around the house”, “men aren’t inept fathers” and “men don’t just drink and beat their wives. Let’s give em a break, huh? Oh, we know that look. Oh boy.”
“At the end of the day, no one wants to see the solid numbers and the story it tells,” said a researcher with a black eye. “They just wanna be right, which- shhhhh. Was that the door? My wife’s home! Quick, run!”