Washington DC – According to data from the Bureau of the Fiscal Service’s Monthly Treasury Statement, Americans received over two trillion dollars in benefits and entitlements in fiscal year 2013 from government programs.
“Yeah, we gave a lot of it away,” siad a White House official. “Oh, right, you’d think we have nothing to do with how every individual government program works, but we do. We’re totally responsible for you getting your money. Vote for us!” He cleared his throat, adding, “sorry, force of habit.”
“They’s aint’ givin’ me all my money,” said a poor woman. “I should get fifty grand fo my work.” She looked around the lab, adding, “tho them brain medicines sure are messin’ with my dialog and what have you.” She lit a pipe, adding, “Lord yes.”
The Treasury Department noted “you won’t believe what we burn on foreign aid, those guys are really pushy”, “not to mention the trillions spent on ‘defense’” and “hey, you guys keep paying taxes, so, why not, right?”
“Hold up,” said a middle class man. “I didn’t get one freakin’ dime last year and paid tens of thousands in taxes. So the money I make working goes to other people and I don’t have a say? So for a third of my time at work, I’m working for someone else and not myself? Isn’t that slavery? Being forced to work with no compensation? Oh, so I can’t say that cause I’m white? Oh. Then I apologize.”