Trenton, NJ – New Jersey had its credit rating cut one step by Standard & Poor’s.
“This is the eighth downgrade for this governor,” said a Democrat. “That has to mean he sucks! What? Oh, no, the crumbling economy, the failures overseas, the myriad of scandals has no bearing on our President! He inherited those problems!” He then donned a parachute, opened the plane door, and screamed, “I must flee! No further questions!”
“Ugh, I wish we had those problems,” said a Floridian official. “No, we’re worse. No, a lot worse. No, it’s not just finances. No, worse. No, we’re worse.” After a long sigh he added, “I can’t even bring myself to talk about how horrible we are.” He then jumped off the bridge, but sources later reporter that he survived the fall.
Standards called the decrease “unfortunate but necessary” whilst Poor called it “necessary but unfortunate. This is one of those few times when we agree with each other. Who would have thunk?”
“Is this the fault of the governor?” asked a reporter. “Let’s see, he’s a Republican, so I’m going to say yes it is.” After writing the story he added, “and that’s why the White House pays me fifty bucks a day. Sure, some call it prostitution but I call it… well, prostitution. Yeah, my thesaurus app keep crashing.”