Washington DC – As millions of Americans race to meet tomorrow’s tax deadline, their chances of getting audited are lower than they have been in years.
“How much lower?” asked a tax payer. “How many years in your range? Is there a schedule or table I can reference? Oh, so you just kinda fudged the numbers and presented a fact that you sorta believe is true?” He hit the bars of his prison cell and screamed, “so how is it illegal when I do it on my taxes? Let me outta here!”
“Don’t misunderstand,” said an IRS agent. “If we don’t like you, if we don’t like the people you hang out with, or the charities you donate to, or any vague political Facebook posting, or how you spell your name, or anything: we’re going to audit.” Before we could ask a followup question he shouted, “audit!”
The AP went on to report “most American’s don’t get pulled over for speeding”, “if we all do something illegal, they’ll just give up” and “look at the pot thing. Now, let’s redouble our efforts and legalize meth! Come on, guys, we can do it! For the kids!”
“Don’t they have some computer to target people for audits?” asked a woman. “So, umm, isn’t that, like, more effective? Well, don’t you constantly complain that the government is ineffective? So this is good, right? No, don’t try to spin it, you’re getting what you want and- hey! Come back! I’m not done reasoning with you! Hey!”