Dublin, Ireland – Ireland has repaid nine billion euros to the International Monetary Fund several years early, a move that saves heavy interest costs and illustrates the strong Irish rebound after its bailout.
“You all were so quick to chastise us when we were failing!” yelled an angry Irishman. “But when we restructured, drew in billions of company taxes by lowering rates and streamlined our infrastructure, you say nothin’!” He spat, adding, “and don’t say we found a pot o’ gold or you’ll get a shiner. Fine, then say hello to Pierre and Jean Luc! What? My mother’s side is French!”
“They stole our money!” said an IRS agent. “They charge a third of our corporate tax! That’s stealing!” He slamming his fists on the table, adding, “we should target them too! I don’t know how! Just do it! Attack!”
The IFM called the payment “alarming”, “countries can’t just figure out the basics of economics and pay back their debts! That’s not how it works! You have to blindly kowtow to minority opinion until you go bankrupt and are torn apart by riots!” and “don’t you other countries start working towards stability. We need you to keep screwing up. There you go, Spain. Just like Greece. There you go.”
“And that’s how a safety net works,” said an economist. “It’s to catch folks when they fall. No, it’s not a net when everyone uses it. Then the analogy turns into everyone just standing on the ground looking up at the trapeze, thankful they’re not up there taking any risk. No, that sucks.”