Atlanta, GA – According to a study released by the Urban Institute, more than thirty five percent of Americans have debts and unpaid bills that have been reported to collection agencies.
“We need to take the money from the rich and give it to the poor!” shouted a former Occupier. “Then the poor can pay off their debts and have nice stuff. Yes, until they overspend and have no way to pay that off. So then we’ll just take more from the rich. Oh, well, someone’s gotta still be rich. Oh. Okay, then I didn’t really think this through.”
“You just need to make a budget,” said an economic advisor. “Then, live within your means. Yes, it is revolutionary. Yes, I did write a book. Yes, that’s how I made my money. Yes, I’m proud.”
The study went on to conclude “this should make anyone with a steady job feel bad about their success”, “this should make anyone who’s white feel bad” and “if you mention this study, you’re a bigoted racist. Even reading this study makes you a woman-hating, minority oppressing [expletive deleted]. Check and mate.”
“Yes, it’s from medical bills,” said a woman. “I pay hundreds a month for healthcare for myself and my children, and one hospital stay has put us back thousands. No, I don’t qualify for help because my husband and I both work. We still have to make twenty grand more to pay for healthcare, after taxes and everything. No, they’re not looking out for the middle class. Yes, I’m super pissed. Your welcome.”