Los Angeles, CA – Officials admit a tiny amount of radiation could have escaped into the atmosphere from a Southern California nuclear power plant after a water leak prompted operators to shut down the reactor as a precaution.

“Oops,” said a nuclear tech as he pushed a lever back to its original position. “Sorry about that. I don’t know why they keep the ‘vent radiation gas’ lever next to the ‘pull for a snack’ lever. Well, at least they moved the ‘self destruct’ button away from the ‘strobe light’ button. What? The workplace should always have a strobe.”

“Now you’re going to start complaining about air quality?” asked a Southern Californian official. “Not four decades ago, but now? Also, ‘Southern California’ isn’t a thing. Just so you know.” After a few coughs he added, “ugh, why am I still spitting up blood?”

The Screen Actors Guild called the exposure “tragic”, “so many lives lost” and “did you see that? That’s called acting. Now you know why you pay twelve bucks for a movie ticket. You’re welcome, America, you’re welcome.”

“How much went into the air?” asked a resident. “You can’t even measure it? So how do you know it went into the air? Hmmm. Mmmmhmmm. Okay. Hmmm. Right.” He looked at his phone and then added, “sorry, I wasn’t listening. Hey, great catching up.”