NASA Opens Space Habitat In Tampa

Cape Canaveral, FL – Space station astronauts opened the world’s first inflatable space habitat and floated inside.

“How did we float inside you ask?” repeated an astronaut. “Well, we created a little black hole that reverses the gravity of- hold on, there’s a lot of screaming from down the hall. Guys! Can you keep it down? I’m tyring to- what? Oh my God, no! No! Run for your lives! Wait, there is no point in running, we’re all doomed! No, this is off the record!”

“That’s cute,” said a Chinese Space Officer from the deck of the flagship of Third Chinese Space fleet. “Let’s jump back to Alpha Centauri and finish the bombing run. Soon the gold planet will be ours and we will have enough materials to create our own universes! Also, jettison the press.”

NASA also opened “a make your own sundae bar”, “six different dry cleaners in the greater Houston area” and “our hearts and minds. What? We needed a third thing. Yes, of course it’s true, you moron! Oh, yeah, maybe it isn’t. Fair enough.”

“Yeah, welcome to Earth,” said a teen. “Dude, think about it: we’re already in an enclosed habitat and, like, we’re ruining it.” He shook his head, adding, “how could you be so stupid?” We tried explaining how we weren’t stupid, citied our collective degrees and schooling, but it seemed to have little effect, so we called him a millennial and left.